How many of us have been rejected because of sacrifice? I’m sure many of us. I know that sometimes I feel no matter what I do good or bad, I have been rejected time and time again. The times when I wasn’t rejected was because I sacrificed my self, my whole self, to be someone who I am not. The feeling of being stripped of your entire being is one that doesn’t feel so good. In the beginning, you feel like, “oh a little sacrifice of myself won’t be too much if it makes you happy.” That little sacrifice becomes a never ending sacrifice of who you currently are and who you are to become. Oh the webs we weave unknowingly. Blind to the fact that no matter what you do, it won’t make that person happy. No matter what you do, they are still going to want more of you. Even if they see that you are in expectation of that same love back, it doesn’t matter.
And the icing to the cake is that EVERYTHING THAT GOES WRONG is your fault not theirs. YOU, yes you are the reason things are like they are today. Yes, YOU are the reason we don’t spend quality time together and finally, YOU, are the reason nothing goes right. It doesn’t matter if it is an evening job for extra money, a GOD commitment, children, etc.
How do you deal with all this burden? Carrying what isn’t even your strife or your battle. Carrying what was never yours to bear. How do you feel right now? You feel worthless. You feel like a doormat. You feel as if nothing you do will be right, EVER. You cry and no one wipes your tears. You call out for help in so many ways and no one is there to hear you. Matter of fact, those that are there just ignore you and your needs.
Let me give you a visual. You are in a car accident. The accident turns out to be bad as one person is taken to the hospital in the ambulance. The person in the second car seems okay, and you do too as the party of the third vehicle. You call your significant other, husband, whomever, and say these words, “I’ve been in an accident.” The other end of the phone only asks if you are okay. You say yes in response. You tell them where you are and no one shows up to rescue you from your hurt. You end up doing everything yourself. Getting the car towed, going to the hospital, etc. Where is the love? Where is the expectation that all you want is for someone to BE THERE for YOU this time? Where is the urgency in your significant other when it pertains to your life? Guess what. It isn’t there. There is no mindset that YOU ARE AS VALUABLE AS THEY ARE. There is no inside thought that said to that person that you should be there no matter what. There is no inner spirit that wants to do MORE for YOU at all. Only feelings of, “oh she can do it herself, she’s capable.” Capable of living a life that is not her own. Capable of pretending that all is well all the time. Capable of near depressive states. Capable of calling it quits. Even capable of loving even harder just to get ANY ATTENTION from your mate.
Is it fair? No. Will it continue to bring you to your knees? Yes. Will you quit? Probably. Do you want out? Maybe. The truth of the matter is that we are all human and we crave love and attention. We feel just by tone of voice or body language. The choice to be made is one…do I want to become someone that I am not all over again? If you don’t, move along with your life leaving behind all of the expectations that someone else has for you. Leave behind the strife, the arguing, the lonely nights, etc. There is more to life than being a pin cushion. Even a porcupine has a heart.